Friday, March 16, 2018

Watching Your Baby Grow: Excitement or Fear?



Fear and Excitement...Excitement and Fear...I've been vacillating between these two for a while now, and more often than before as I'm struck deeply by the realization that my only child is inching towards the teen years. 

Today, he's on a field trip to this interactive simulated town where students get hands on learning on how it is to be workers, entrepreneurs  and simply how it feels to be part of the economy. These kids had to learn financial literacy and apply for jobs in the week preceding this field trip so they all have roles to play and be equipped once they get to their 'town'. My son ended up being CEO of the UPS store. 

Excitement and Fear...I wonder how he'll be once he starts with his first real job. I'm happy he's slowly learning about the economy and the idea of applying for a position, managing employees and customers, depositing your earnings to the bank, getting health insurance and feeling exhausted at the end of a work day. When he's old enough to get a real job in the real world, will he handle his finances well? Will he find work that he enjoys and can be proud of? Will he have the grit required to keep showing up and exhibit good work ethic? 

Last night, our family attended an orientation for rising 6th graders at the Middle School he'll be transferring to next school year. I felt like pinching myself the whole two hours we were there. 

Fear and Excitement...How can we be already here? Wasn't he just in pre-school yesterday? How is it that he will now have his own locker, choose a major and a minor and have the liberty to join any club he fancies or feels he's good at? Wasn't it just last week when our lives were simply all about Nickelodeon, snack time, nap time and build-my-Lego-ship time? Is he ready? Will he succeed the way I want him to? Is his self-esteem strong enough to survive greater challenges in the academe? Will he be able to forge deep and lasting friendships?

Fairly recently, he decided to start his own YouTube channel. He asked for our help in setting him up. We gave him a small filming space in our upstairs storage room. His Dad set up his computer, camera and created a sturdy frame out of PVC pipes on which we can hang curtains so that he has a decent backdrop. Then he started creating his own content, taught himself to edit and posted the videos himself. 

Excitement and Fear...t's amazing how fast he learns and how admirable it is that he did what he said he wanted to do. He didn't overthink and simply ran away with something he truly enjoys. But I hope he doesn't get discouraged even though he doesn't have a huge audience. I hope he doesn't give up so easily. I pray to God he doesn't get bullied online. I pray he understands his responsibility now that he has a social media platform. I pray he always finds the wisdom, even at his young age, to speak and behave with respect and integrity. 

This boy of 10 years has also been honest enough to admit that he now has a crush. I have been neutral about it, neither discouraging nor encouraging, but always reminding him that he is still too young to take these things seriously. 

Fear and Excitement...I'm eager to see what kind of person will capture his heart. Will he choose well? Will he find true love and be able to keep it? How will my 'baby' fare once he comes face-to-face with heartbreak? It's only a matter of time. Will he know how to survive it? Will he welcome it, knowing that he will only come out stronger and wiser? I can't wait to pass on to him what I know, although I'm afraid it might never be enough. 

Any parent knows what I'm going through. We watch these human beings who are our external hearts walk their own paths, and there is no stopping time. We do our best giving them what we have, hoping they'll be equipped for the world and be the best versions of our dreams. They have our hearts and our souls and yet they are different from us. That difference is not always easy to accept. The possibility of failure, as well as pain, are always looming in the background, causing us sleepless nights and infinite anxiety.

Fear and Excitement will continue to flow in our veins for as long as we are parents. They might feel the same at times but we must be discerning because one holds a person back, while the other sets free; one stunts the spirit, the other tends to nurture evolution.

Our children will break, fail, hurt and suffer. It's all on them to make their own choices and live through the consequences. And as their parents, it's on us to cheer them on, keep the faith, and keep loving them deeply so that we can always stay excited about the miracles they can blossom into.





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