Our family just hit our
third year anniversary in this home we live in.
Three years ago, my husband and I went through the grueling process of
house hunting, and the process was even further complicated by the fact that it
was going to be an interstate move for us.
Staying put was not an option because of my husband’s new job.
We knew we had to face the
process head on and there was certainly no room for ambivalence. We were ready, dead serious, and determined for
a successful search.
The more I got immersed in the house
hunting process, the more I realized that it wasn’t any different from finding
your mate or getting married. What you know about one can be applied to the
other. Given everything we went through
and lessons I learned as a home buyer, here are my realizations and advice to
anyone investing in real estate…or preparing for marriage.
1. You have to
spend a LOT of time looking before you find THE ONE. And
when you find it, you'll know. You will feel right about it and be very
comfortable about taking a leap of faith, in spite of certain fears. It is a commitment after all.
2. The process always has to start with your self and not with what's out there. You have to know (and I mean really know) your finances, your budget, or what you're pre-approved for if you're taking out a mortgage. You cannot begin the search if you don't even know what you can afford. You have to make sure you don't set yourself up for great disappointment by looking at houses that are totally out of your league. In the event that your financial capacity only affords you houses that are unacceptable to you and totally doesn’t match either your taste or your basic requirements, then there's only one thing to do. Wait and save up some more. Work on your finances and get better at it. Otherwise, you just have to be realistic, accept that the pool of choices will always be limited for most of us, and accept what's realistically available out there for YOU.
3. If you're not in love with it, don't 'marry' it. Remember, you'll have to live with it and in it for the rest of your life. Okay, maybe not the rest of your life but a significant number of years. My mother always told me to marry someone whose face I won’t mind seeing first thing in the morning when I open my eyes. It’s the same with a house. You’ll be waking up to it every day and you have to feel good about seeing it and being in it when you do.
2. The process always has to start with your self and not with what's out there. You have to know (and I mean really know) your finances, your budget, or what you're pre-approved for if you're taking out a mortgage. You cannot begin the search if you don't even know what you can afford. You have to make sure you don't set yourself up for great disappointment by looking at houses that are totally out of your league. In the event that your financial capacity only affords you houses that are unacceptable to you and totally doesn’t match either your taste or your basic requirements, then there's only one thing to do. Wait and save up some more. Work on your finances and get better at it. Otherwise, you just have to be realistic, accept that the pool of choices will always be limited for most of us, and accept what's realistically available out there for YOU.
3. If you're not in love with it, don't 'marry' it. Remember, you'll have to live with it and in it for the rest of your life. Okay, maybe not the rest of your life but a significant number of years. My mother always told me to marry someone whose face I won’t mind seeing first thing in the morning when I open my eyes. It’s the same with a house. You’ll be waking up to it every day and you have to feel good about seeing it and being in it when you do.
4. Once you've made
your decision and it's all locked in place, you have to stop looking. There
will always be something better out there. There will
always be a bigger house, a nicer lawn, bigger closets, more modern kitchens, or
better flooring. Remember that the grass will always be greener on the other
side. But you have chosen and at least at this time of need, this is the
intersection of what you want and what you can afford, so be at peace with your
choice and commit to it. You can't have
buyer's remorse. It is a house after all, and not a pair of shoes you can
return.
5. No house will
ever be perfect. What's important is you go into the search process
with a list of non-negotiables and stick with them. That being said, it's
also very important that you are willing to compromise. Be clear about
what things you can and cannot change, and what you need and value most.
6. Your
non-negotiables better be the REALLY important stuff and not
just a bunch of aesthetics. You can always change certain things such
as counter tops, flooring, paint color, cabinetry, etc. However, you
cannot change (at least not very easily, or not at all) such things as square
footage, location/neighborhood, structural soundness, layout, monthly costs for
mortgage payments, and property tax.
7. The house needs
to fit YOU, and not the other way around. You can't purchase a home
just because you're attracted to some bells and whistles when the bones of the
house and its basic characteristics don't really fit you. It’s never wise
to commit to something feeling that you need to adapt to it in significant
ways, rather than have the house fit YOUR needs, YOUR existing patterns.
Yes, some compromise may be required, as I mentioned above, but not to
the extent that you are sacrificing yours and your family's fundamental
preferences. You can't let the beautiful spa-like bathroom, or the ultra
chic kitchen make you forget that the house does not have the minimum square-footage
you absolutely need. Or that this one only has 1.5 bathrooms for your family of
six, and that this will take you two hours to get to your work place. You may really be attracted to this
eye-candy, but if the real substance isn’t there, it really isn’t worth falling
in love with and definitely undeserving of your life savings.
8. Timing is everything. You may be ready, but the house you're envisioning is not available in the market. Or the house may be there, but your finances and other circumstances may not allow you to purchase just yet. You need that 'magical' synchronicity, the confluence of all those forces, to make something happen.
8. Timing is everything. You may be ready, but the house you're envisioning is not available in the market. Or the house may be there, but your finances and other circumstances may not allow you to purchase just yet. You need that 'magical' synchronicity, the confluence of all those forces, to make something happen.
9. Unless it's a new construction,
each existing house has a past, and I'm a believer in trying to know as
much as you possibly can about that past. Everyone has ‘baggage’ and the
only question is if it's something you can live with. Has the house
experienced flooding before? What is the age of the house and has it ever been remodeled?
It's all about making a decision that's as informed as possible, which leads me
to #10.
10. There are always risks. The question is, is this one worth it, worth all the risks you're aware of? You will have cold feet. You will question, evaluate and re-evaluate. You will take pause and do everything to delay as much as you can. However, ultimately buying a home is much like any serious commitment you make in your life. You can't possibly foresee everything, can't plan for everything. All you can do is bite the bullet, and be as prepared for contingencies as you possibly can.
10. There are always risks. The question is, is this one worth it, worth all the risks you're aware of? You will have cold feet. You will question, evaluate and re-evaluate. You will take pause and do everything to delay as much as you can. However, ultimately buying a home is much like any serious commitment you make in your life. You can't possibly foresee everything, can't plan for everything. All you can do is bite the bullet, and be as prepared for contingencies as you possibly can.
So
you see, committing to a home isn't all that different from finding a
partner. You can always have someone set
you up, have a matchmaker (i.e. your real estate agent), but ultimately, it
will be your decision and the success rests on how much you know your self and what
you’re looking for. Self-knowledge is key because
frankly, I’ve never heard of a marriage that succeeded and ended blissfully
when it was based on too much settling or entered into blindly.
Buying a
home is a huge commitment that needs to be taken seriously. It takes a lot of hard work and a solid level
of maturity before anyone can finally bravely say, "With this key I thee wed".
*Author's Note: The list on this post was originally published on Catharsis with the title "With This Key I Thee Wed". Parts of it have been modified for the current publication.