Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Curse of the Blob

I was just innocently typing away on my computer yesterday when I made the mistake of looking down. Darn it! There it was.  A big blob sitting right below my breasts.

Yes, folks.  A muffin top.  MY muffin top.  

I loathe it.  But given the years that it's chosen to stay with me, I'd say that unfortunately, it seems to love me.  To be honest, I'm not one of those women who just gained weight after pregnancy or due to aging and the metabolism slowing down.  As far back as I can remember, I've always been, well,...on the chunky side.  Though I've been various sizes my entire adult life, my weight has always just comfortably hovered around 1(?)0 pounds, somewhere between Kim Kardashian's 130lb pre-pregnancy weight and 200lbs. Any more details than that and I'm gonna have to kill you.

But no matter the sizes I've been, this old trusty muffin top has always been around.  It has tortured me for decades, mocked every cute outfit I had worn or had hoped to wear, and put all the diets and exercise routines my body can perform, to shame!  What makes it worse (I think) is that I'm pretty flat chested.  So unlike those other 'chunky' women who are able to balance out their big tummies with their bigger boobies, hence still making them shapely and 'womanly', my blob of a muffin top is just there like Saint-Exupery's boa constrictor that swallowed an elephant.  

In other words, I'm (almost) resigned to the idea that I will die looking like the damn Michelin Man. 


Image by:  Laurie White

And this is another reason why I hate summer.  It's not just the heat, or the bugs, or the outdoorsy people judging my preference for the cooler and safer bug-bite-free indoors.  It's the fact that I can never seem to figure out what to wear and still look cute and appropriate for the climate.  Most things I see on the store racks are sleeveless shirts which I don't wear because, yes, you guessed it....I don't like my big arms too!  Or tops with teenee tiny pseudo 'token' sleeves which hardly cover anything.  And what's with all these cotton shirts that are meant to be cool and comfortable and yet shaped to cling to my unwanted wobbly bulges???  I would gladly wear shapewear underneath just to smoothen everything out, if it weren't 95 degrees outside!  Grrrr......

Alright, rant over.  Obviously I have a lot of body issues.  Some days are worse than others, although I have to admit that summer always brings out the worst in me.  Now I wonder how I kept my sanity and my joyful disposition when I was living in tropical and perpetually summer-like Philippines.  To think that almost everybody there is smaller than my size, given their typical Asian body frames!  And shopping there was doubly hard because the sizing just made me feel all the more miserable about my frame. *sigh*

I guess I should count my blessings and be grateful that in about two more months, my misery will be somehow mitigated by the cooler weather.  Fall and Winter outfits will allow me to layer, and for at least 3 or 4 months, I could grant semi-invisibility to my muffin top with the help of jackets, scarves and of course, some shapewear.  Hopefully, those months could also buy me some time to shrink this blob a bit more so that I won't be this miserable in summer 2015.  

Hope springs eternal.  So as my final message, I'd like to share with you this meme that my writer friend P. James shared this morning via Facebook:






22 comments:

  1. Brave and funny!

    I've learned not to wear babydoll tops that gather under the bust. The preggy look on a woman my age is so not cute.
    Doesn't the Philippines have a sauna (slimming) effect though? All that involuntary sweating helped. At least that's what I told myself. But maybe it was the metabolism of youth. Until they come up with jeans that don't feel like preparation for manananggal shapeshifting, I'm staying jeans-free.

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    1. Cookie, yes, it was like a sauna but didn't have any slimming effects on moi! hehehehe....I have a love-hate relationship with jeans. I love those with the built in slimming effect for the tummy and hate hipsters. When I was 'lighter', I loved skinny jeans cos although they made me feel like 'suman', they did have a slimming effect. However these days when I feel so fat and it's so hot here in the mid-South, I prefer my skorts, yoga pants and skirts. Tough life. You're in great shape though so I can't imagine you having a hard time with your wardrobe!

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  2. I have put on so much weight these last few years that a muffin top is my last problem. But I think you are right, there is a certain amount of acceptance that we need to come to. As I get older I find I'm kinder to myself, but that's not to say I would rather not wait till I die to have a smoking body! Lol!

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    1. Kindness is really needed as we get older. Somehow though, I notice that it also comes to us much easier as we age. Don't you just love that cremation meme?! Too funny!! Thanks Kathy! xoxo

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  3. Ugh! Summer sucks for ALL of us except for that one hot mom at the pool who doesn't have cellulite! Damn her! I want to leave every time she comes. Loved this post!

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    2. Hey Ashley! You know what my sisters in law and I call those cellulite-free / sexy / toned women? Bitches! Hahahahah! We mean it jokingly and everytime one of us seems to be in great shape, we call that one a Bitch too...lovingly of course! Thanks and glad you enjoyed this post! Have a great weekend :-))

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  4. So funny - and I think we can all relate. No matter what I do, the extra padding on my stomach won't leave me. I told my Zumba instructor that my fat is protecting my very important core - the muscles are in there somewhere! Have a great weekend.

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    1. That's hilarious, Lana! I feel VERY PROTECTIVE of my core as well! LOL!! Thanks :-))

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  5. So funny - and I think we can all relate! No matter what I do, my flabby stomach won't leave me. I told my Zumba instructor that my fat is protecting my very important core - the muscles are in there somewhere!

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  6. I think it was Catherine Deneuve who said "After 50 you have to choose between your face and your ass." I choose my face.

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  7. We all have a blob somewhere on our bodies that we hate. The trick is to learn to love the blob anyway, or drive yourself crazy. No easy task!

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    1. No easy task, indeed, Deb! I gotta stop driving myself insane, hehehehehe......Thanks for your thoughts!

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  8. Love the quote. I've been cursed with big boobs and muffin top and absolutly no butt to speak of. I'm lopsided as hell but like you it's been there all my life.

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    1. There are days when I still covet big boobs...or at least anything fuller than what I have. But yes, it's mine, been here all my life....just gotta love 'em ;-)) Thanks Rena!

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  9. I was feeling good about myself until my friend sent out her wedding pictures. I barely recognized myself.

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    1. Oh I can relate Christy. There's nothing that compels me more to exercise and lose weight than seeing 'bad' pictures of my myself. Well, actually , I take that back. Seeing my glucose levels rise scares the sh*t out of me. (I still have my glucometer from when I had gestational diabetes in 2007). Sheesh....

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  10. You are a beautiful, intelligent, kind, caring, talented woman. You cannot be defined by your muffin top.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words, Marie. I need to hire you as my cheerleader (although I'm sure I won't be able to afford you, heheheeee). But yes....can't be defined by these superficial things. YES!!!

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  11. This was quite thought-provoking and you made me realize that part of the reason I posted on our facebook group about hating the summer heat is emotional/mental. It's time to bare our bodies (partly out of necessity) and I cannot wear those security blanket vests that I like to drape over my huge breasts and sticky-outie stomach. Why do women have to be so accountable for their bodies. Are we never allowed to just relax and live and age? ugh! Anyhow, this post really was highly relatable and I commend you for helping us all feel that we are among such wonderful company!
    Stephanie

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    1. Ah yes!! Same here!!! I have too many body issues that I don't like wearing bathing suits and sleeveless shirts, thus making me hate summer even more! You're soooo right about that! Thank you for the eureka too! Hope we can all see beyond our physical flaws and appreciate the TRUE beauty we all possess! Cheers ;-))

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