Thursday, May 8, 2014

Of Cabs, Commitment and Clooney

I've just finished reading this essay by Amy Klein talking about George Clooney’s recent engagement and saying that it appears he’s not a commitment-phobe after all.  As it turns out, he just wasn’t into his past girlfriends, at least according to this writer.  

Ms. Klein, proceeded to say that women, (and I suppose that includes all of Clooney’s exes) should disabuse themselves of the notion that it’s all our exes' fault for having ‘issues’, and that we were simply unlucky enough to have met a commitment-phobe or a man-child.  She says that it’s time to face the truth, the painful truth, that when we get dumped, it's plainly because we were not ‘The One’ for that man and that sooner or later, that man we called names and who presented with way too many incurable symptoms of the commitment-phobe infection or some other irreversible deeply-seated psychological issue, WILL fall in love again and get hitched to someone else.....someone different.  It won’t matter who or what type the ‘final’ girl will be.  All that matters is that it won’t be you.  Period.

Though I agree with Ms. Klein on most points, I have to say that I feel there is possibly one more thing I’d like to add to her Clooney analysis.  

When I first heard of this Hollywood engagement about a week and a half ago, only one name almost instantaneously came to mind : Miranda Hobbes. Remember that Sex and The City episode where she said that men are like cabs?...that it all depends on whether or not you catch them while their 'lights are on'?  It just makes so much sense!

That's what I thought when I heard of George Clooney's engagement.  His light finally turned back on.  

Yes, Amal Alamuddin is a great catch.  Even possibly, an irresistible catch, and maybe Clooney felt he'd have to be the dumbest guy in the universe to still let her slip away when he could have had her.  But I think, all this 'awesomeness' that surrounds Amal would still not have mattered if George didn't think the timing was right and if he wasn't ready.  And if Amal didn't feel ready as well, then it wouldn't have mattered if George was bleeding on his knees with a willingness to put a rock on each of her 10 fingers.  (And yes, we're on a first-name basis here, people!).  

So yes, I'm a believer in timing, and obviously, the timing was right for both of them.  I highlight 'both' here because that's also my point of disagreement with Amy Klein's essay saying that the problem lies not with "them" (our exes), but with "us".  I don't think it's fair to put all of the burden on the 'dumpee' when couples break up.  Couples don't work out because the fit wasn't right, and not just because one person was defective.  If someone breaks up with you, if you get dumped, (unless of course you were completely too psychotic to be with), 'normally' it's simply because you were BOTH not right for each other.  We dislike someone or fall out of love not always because there is something inherently wrong with the other person, but because of our own preferences, tastes, beliefs and values.  I don't think you can simplify rejection by simply putting the spotlight on the inadequacies or flaws of the person getting rejected.  More often than not, rejection, and break-ups in general, are far more complex than that, and always involves more than just having one flawed piece of the puzzle.  Trying to fully understand why it happened, what was wrong, whose fault it was and all possible combinations of all the questions in the world invoked for "closure's" sake, almost always prove futile and a complete waste of time AND brain cells!  (Trust me. I have an entire decade's worth of still unanswered questions to prove my credibility on this matter).

In any case, here's the main point I want to make.  There are far too many variables that come into play as you try to navigate the whole business of finding love and being able to keep it. Timing (or someone's light being on), compatibility or fit..all these things are beyond our control and difficult to predict when you first meet someone who can potentially be the one.  So really, the only variable you have control over is your self.  

But you can't fashion yourself after another person's preferences, nor time your life using another's clock or schedule. What we all need to do is focus on celebrating our own perfection, devote our energies on becoming even more fabulous and love our lives and try to live it as passionately as we can.  Those are the things that truly make one magical, delicious and dare I say it, magnetic even to unlit cabs out there.  And if you know you're fabulous and worth it, you won't even bother hailing emotional fuckwits. You'll know you deserve a better ride.

Can you empathize or relate to how Clooney's exes might be feeling these days?  Have you ever taken a ride on an "unlit cab"?


  1. I agree with you, I think both people have to be in the right place. I do think that some people really don't think they will commit and then something happens, and internal shift of some sorts, and maybe that is when the "right" person comes along.


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