Thursday, October 17, 2013

...And The World Makes Sense Again!

Yesterday morning, while watching the morning news to keep myself updated on the US debt ceiling crisis, I saw an interesting news ticker at the bottom of the screen.

"Study shows that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine".


At that point I realized that this bit of mind-blowing information rocks my existence to the core, even more so than the possibility of the US defaulting on its debt or when the scientific world decided that Pluto was not a planet. 


Yes, Oreos are just as addictive as cocaine.  At least now I have a solid excuse and explanation for why I can't stop dunking those suckers in milk and munching away.  Or how I can never say I'll only eat 3 and stop.  Now life makes sense once more.

I'm still waiting for other breakthroughs that would hopefully explain a few more realities.  Seeing the following headlines would definitely make some things in my life more comprehensible: 

1.  "Secret psychiatric hospital in Texas claims Sen. Ted Cruz as an escape patient"

2.  "Study on assholes/one-uppers/jerks finds anomalous brain cell          mutation as culprit"

3.  "Elliptical machines linked to increase in belly fat"

4.  "Chocolate and Peanut Butter consumption lowers greenhouse gas  emissions"  

5.  "Alien subliminal hypnosis uncovered behind Facebook and Pinterest mass addiction"

Who knows?  Maybe in a few more months we'll see at least some of these come true?  For now, let's be happy with the Oreo findings and give in to our genetic predisposition.  There's no point blaming ourselves.  Resistance is futile.

What sort of headline do you want to imagine that will help you make sense of YOUR world?

1 comment:

  1. I know you can't eat just one is potato chip ad, but seriously, it works for so many other things. Like Oreos.


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