Friday, December 21, 2012

In Case the Mayans Were Right

It's the morning of December 21st and the world is still here.  I've also heard from friends living from the other side of the world that though it's already the end of the 21st for them, they've so far not yet been annihilated either.

If the world were to end today, as some speculate based on the Mayan calendar that ends on 12/21/2012, then as far as I'm concerned, there's really just one last thing to blog about.  That is, to deal with the question of 'What else is there to say?'

Now this is tricky because there is a chance, a huge one in fact, that the world will continue beyond this day.  If so, then I still need to be careful about what I say since words always have consequences and I don't want to have to deal with painful consequences just as we all exhale on the 22nd.

So here's my 'safe enough to say' list and things I feel I need to get off my chest:

1.  If someone told me that it could only get worse from this point on, where we live in a world where children's backpacks are now equipped with a bullet-proof shield, and where teachers are going to be allowed to carry ammunition inside the classrooms, then by all means, please end the world now.  Frankly I'm more disturbed by such news than news of possible deadly solar flares or some giant meteor crashing on our planet.

2.  The thought of the end of days brought me to one clear realization.  I am a coward and a big one.  (Actually, I've always known that but more so now than before).  It became apparent to me that part of me actually prefers annihilation over continued survival for the simple reason of having an easy way out.  I think it's an easy way out for me to not work on things I have always been afraid to work on, to deny things  that I feel I cannot do much about.  The thought of a long future ahead actually scares me but knowing how life has a not-so-entertaining sense of humor, I think I might be given a long life ahead.  I guess there's no better time than now to try to start being an optimist and stop taking life oh so seriously.  It's the only way I can see surviving and keeping my sanity.

3.  To all my dearest loved ones from all over the globe, my treasured family members and closest friends, how I wish we could all be together when it's truly time for the world to end.  But it just doesn't work that way, does it?  So for now, while there is time and if the alternate belief is correct that this year's December 21st is really all about a shift in people's consciousness more than anything else, let's put our lives to good use and keep working towards investing in good karma.  Hopefully, in our next lives, we shall all be each other's 'lovers' again, but this time, geographically closer.  Or maybe teleportation would be possible and common by then, who knows?  

Finally, to all who continue to support Catharsis, THANK YOU.  The time you give to read my thoughts and share your comments are priceless to me.  I will do my best to write more and write better should life on Earth continue.  I give you all a BIG WARM HUG!

I'd like to give an update to my previous post It's All Santa's Fault.  I am happy to report that the toy finally arrived from Germany two days ago!  Yippee!!

Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Long Path Beyond Our Grief

File:Broken Heart symbol.svgI wasn't expecting to be this affected.  I've heard of multiple shooting tragedies in the past but none has moved me the way this Connecticut school shooting has. Like most parents, I wasn't simply moved.  I was shaken and am broken by it. I still tear up every time I read about it and imagine the trauma and ordeal the teachers and children had to endure.  Admittedly my reaction was compounded by the fact that my son is a kindergartener himself, the same age as most of those who died. Like some of you, I also thought to myself, 'It could've been his school, his classroom.'  Like most of you, I'm asking, 'How safe is my child's school?'  We live in a quiet, suburban community, with a stellar school district.  But Sandy Hook is in a similar community and so the unpredictability factor is further heightened.  

Again, all it took was one disturbed individual, at least one gun (I read he had three of his mother's guns) and the firm determination to harm innocents.  I cannot imagine the sorrow of those parents who lost their precious angels.  The questions they may be asking, all the what ifs, all the questions that will be left unanswered.  And most of all, I cannot imagine the abyss they will find themselves in, as they wish for moments that will never be.  As Pres. Obama pointed out, the birthdays, graduations, weddings and if I may add, the Christmases and all the magical moments and milestones those little children and their families had been robbed of.

The process of grief need not be rushed, but eventually, we all need to move on. Normally, moving on is made a little easier when one is able to make sense of things.  But how do you make sense of a senseless killing spree?  The only path right now that I see is to ask ourselves the question of what this tragedy is teaching us.  How can we make the victims' deaths count for something as a nation, as a society?

Is it highlighting security lapses in our schools?

Is it a reminder to always stay in the present and love our loved ones to the fullest while we can?

Is it a call for more serious dialogues for stricter gun control policies?  (And please don't even think of uttering to me the words "It's people who kill, not guns".  You know that's a crappy excuse.)

Is it a call for a shift from a highly individualistic and alienated way of life, to a more involved, genuinely caring community life? where people truly see each other, extend help when needed, offer support to people who are struggling and quietly crying for help; one where civil propriety is not the standard and deemed good enough, but instead, genuine human concern and the awareness that we are all connected?

Adam Lanza, the shooter, is a product of this world, this society.  Let's face it.  WE are all connected to him.  All of us, in some way, contributed to how he became, how he felt, what he thought, whether it was his pain, his sense of alienation, his false beliefs, lack of values, etc.  I don't wish to add to the pain we are all feeling right now, but I do wish to add to the many voices right now calling for everyone to be awakened.

We belong to this society.  We make it.  We create it and have the ability to constantly re-create it.  I choose hope. Let's be clear about our intentions and let those good intentions guide our actions and future decisions.  Don't let the children's deaths go to waste.  Look inside, look around.  See the connections and open your souls to the ripple effects that surround us.  Self and Society, Individual and the World.  We are all part of each other.  Never forget that.

Friday, December 14, 2012


I hate you and love you
Desire and reject you
Feel emptied by you and yet filled 

by you 
Extinguished and yet enlivened soulfully, 

by you.

Such is the struggle of this heart.  
Needing its most delectable poison 
that makes it beat
This soul sways only to the song 
of your existence.
Dance with me.  
Caress my essence.  
Cradle my peace with your 
impassioned breath.

Thursday, December 6, 2012

It's All Santa's Fault!

I can feel the acid building up in my stomach, my face undeniably mortified as I stared intently at the screen.  My head was full of expletives but at the same time I felt guilty for tainting what should be a happy experience.  So instead of cussing, I just went for a very impassioned, 'Are you kidding me??', trying to resist the temptation of inserting the F-word somewhere in there.

Who would've thought online holiday shopping could get this dramatic?  You see, my son got done with his 'Santa gift list' about a week ago and so today I finally got around to doing my research online.  I went to multiple sites hoping I'd be able to compare prices but horror of horrors, I found that the toy he's dying to have is only available on  The price is not oppressive at all so I was okay with ordering it.  What choice did I really have, right? But that's not the upsetting part.  What horrified me was that, after placing my order, I found that, since the said toy would be coming from some European country, there was no option for express delivery and that the expected date of arrival for my package will be between December 27 and January 24!!

Normally, I'd be cool about this.  After all, it's just a gift and this would be a good opportunity to teach a 5-year old that patience is a virtue, right?

Not really.  It would've been simple if this freakin' gift were not supposedly coming from the North Pole, assembled by elves, and finally delivered through the chimney by a magical man!

So now there's the obvious question.  What elaborate lie should I tell my son to explain Santa's failure to deliver his gift on time?

Fabrication 1: 
Santa got sick and must be running a little late.

Fabrication 2:
Santa must be having some challenges with his navigation since we moved from IL to TN.  

Fabrication 3: 
Give him a different toy initially and then say that Santa left a note saying that he's still on the 'watch list'.  If he proves to be a good boy even after Christmas, he'll be getting another delivery.

Fabrication 4:
Give him a different toy initially and say that Santa left a note saying he wants him to learn about Patience.  (He'll of course get the gift when Mr. UPS drops it off).

Option 5:
Instead of an elaborate lie, I'd take this as the opportunity to tell him that Santa is not real.  Brutal and quick, but simple and honest.  Is 5 too young?  What do you think? 

You are more than welcome to either vote for your favorite option above, or suggest more creative excuses for this panicked mother.  I'd appreciate it!  Oh and please wish me luck!