Wednesday, October 3, 2012

My Kardashianification

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Recently, one of my guilty pleasures has been to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians (KUWTK).  I'm definitely not proud of this and I guarantee you that when my husband reads this and asks me about this, I would still deny it and claim that someone else wrote this blog post.

So why do I watch it?  Well, it satisfies my voyeuristic tendencies, as is probably the case with any of you who watch any reality show on television.  It's mindless, which is probably occasionally healthy for an over-thinker like myself.  And it also nurtures my sense of gratitude.

Say what???

Alright hear me out.  During one of my KUWTK sessions, I asked myself what it would be like if I starred in my own reality show.  Obviously, there are key elements to ensure success and I think these include the following:  (1) ample eye candy, which just means you need to have things that are nice to look at...nice looking people, nice house, nice car, nice fashion sense, etc; (2) ample drama (sufficient intrigue, some tears here and there, a lot of screaming and cussing); (3) an active social life (business deals, work projects, parties, travel, hanging out with friends in general); and last but certainly not the least because I think THIS is key---(4) some catchy techno / club music to introduce each and every scene as if you're a rap mogul about to kick some ass.

Now if I had my own show, what would it really be like?  

Scene 1: (techno music in the background)  Joy gets out of bed, does her morning routine and ends up in the kitchen to make breakfast...Sorry but there's no sexy, silky, flowing robe in this scene as she walks down the stairs....just plain pajama pants and a t-shirt.

Scene 2:  Brace yourselves for the first hint of 'drama'....Joy tries to wake her son up and screams as dramatically as possible, "You're going to be late for school if you don't get your sorry a** out of bed right this moment, young man!"  (Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I'm trying to sell this show!)

Scene 3:  More drama....Mother and son run to the bus stop.  Joy, with her 'cutesy' voice trying to imitate the Kardashian sisters, says 'I love you' to Noah as she kisses him goodbye.  She sticks around for a few minutes at the bus stop for some chit-chat with the neighborhood Moms.  (more techno, suspense music in the background just before our commercial break....cliffhanger successs!)

Scene 4:  (techno music of course)  Joy walks into a Kroger store with her fab outfit and perfectly made-up face.  She struts down the aisles, fills up her cart, lines up and then....Bam!...(dramatic music)...She cusses, "WTF! I forgot my f*ck*ng coupons!!"  (yet another exaggeration of course)

Scene 5:  Joy is home on the computer.

Scene 6:  Joy is in the laundry room.

Scene 7:  Joy is vacuuming all over the house.

Scene 8:  Joy is on the computer.  Again.

Alright you get my drift.  

I can argue that most of my days are really not this boring and that you should know about all the drama in my life.  But the truth is, my life is really not going to sell and no amount of techno music can make it appear colorful in a 'Hollywood' sense.  There's really not much screaming, crying, angry phone calls, late nights, cursing, racy outfits and definitely not enough cleavage to make my life exciting to watch.

And I'm grateful for that.  I'm grateful for this normality that I can endure.  I'm grateful for this quiet and simple life.  Doesn't this make you feel happy that your life is not worthy of being a top-rating reality show?  And if, for some reason, you think your life is reaching reality t.v. status because of all the drama you're experiencing, let me try to offer some consolation...You're not the one dating first-class jack*ss, Kanye West.  I rest my case.

*** Photo credit:  By Takkk (Own work) [CC-BY-SA-3.0 ( or GFDL (], via Wikimedia Commons