Wednesday, June 27, 2012


File:DNA Double Helix.pngI was tuned in to HGTV’s Love it or List It show and saw an ‘interesting’ episode.  The client was a married couple and the husband is actually part of the show’s own construction team.  In this episode though, said husband wasn’t allowed to participate in the construction job. 

The wife was the one who was desperate to move out of their existing home.  Her main complaint was that her husband, being Mr. Handy Man/ Construction Guy, never gets to spend enough time with her.  According to her, when her husband comes home after a long day at work, he still spends countless hours working on DIY projects to finish their home.  He works to complete the renovation on their master suite, the patio, the basement and other areas of the house.  He was practically flipping the entire house while they lived in it.  She hated it.  And this is why she just wanted to go out and find a new home that is move-in ready and completely perfect (translate: project-free), one where there won’t be anything for her husband to fix.

When she expressed this to the show’s host, I couldn’t help but scream back at the television…

That’s not going to solve your problem!  Even if you gave him the perfect house, he will always find something to fix.  It’s just who he is!”

He will find something to repaint.  Something to hang.  Something to repair.  A flower or tree to plant.  A small bulb to replace.  Something.  Anything.  It’s what he loves to do.  It’s what he enjoys.  It’s what makes him tick.  It’s who he is.  It’s simply how he is wired.

This made me wonder.  How much time has each of us wasted trying to change something integral to someone else? It may not have been a blatant effort.  It may have simply been a wish, a slight shaking of your head.  And I’m not just talking about changing a minor habit or something quite shallow.  What I’m referring to here is trying to change something that truly defines the other person.  

Think of the character Dr.Gregory House.  You just know that wherever you place him, no matter what he does for a living, he is just the kind of person who will thrive on puzzles.  It’s who he is.

Think of Oprah Winfrey.  You can be certain that regardless of circumstance, she will speak and teach.  It’s who she is.

Have you found yourself telling a 'thinker' not to over analyze?...A perfectionist to stop checking and re-checking something?...Or an introvert to stop being shy?  None of this makes sense, does it?  But people do it all the time, and it’s sad because I see that sometimes we want to change another person merely because it makes us uncomfortable to let them be who they are deep down. Their choices make us uncomfortable.  Their choices are inconvenient to us, don't align with who we are, who we want them to be, our sense of morality or own ideals. This kind of desire for change does not come from a place of love, acceptance or respect, does it?  

Sometimes, it really does take more love to leave someone be, rather than be 'present' but constantly demand change.  I believe that there are times when love can really be found more in acceptance rather than resistance.

Take the Serenity Prayer to heart.  It really does say it all…

“God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and the Wisdom to know the difference”.