Wednesday, May 16, 2012

An Open Letter to the Suicidal Stroller Moms
WarningJoy’s hormonal and evil alter-ego has temporarily taken over and decided to publish a post.  If you are afraid and easy to shock, then leave now and read a different post.  If you are willing to venture into pissosity, then by all means, proceed and enjoy. 


Dear Stroller Moms,

Since we first moved to this subdivision, I have consistently seen your group during the mornings I either look out my window or actually step out of my house.  I’m not friends with any of you, nor do I have any intention of becoming so.  First of all, I won’t qualify given that my son no longer needs a stroller; and second, I have come to the realization that I’m better off pursuing fitness activities by my lonesome.    But that’s actually the problem.  I don’t think you’re walking around the subdivision with your strollers, sporting your sporty outfits, for fitness’ sake.  And how do I know this?  It’s because every time I see you, you are walking quite leisurely and all three of you are walking side by side….like you own the freakin’ road!!   

For some reason that still eludes me, the side walk seems to be invisible to the three of you, which makes it even more obvious that you are mainly doing your morning ‘exercise’ for social reasons.  Why not just organize some play date at one of your houses, or maybe a picnic at the park, instead of parading around the subdivision, using the main street as your route, between 8 and 8:30 in the morning just when people are rushing to go to work or school.  It drives me absolutely insane to see you walking leisurely while I'm here running late and rushing, and then there's the three of you, seemingly oblivious to the rushing cars around you doing their best to not run you over as you occupy half of the narrow street!!!

Did I miss a memo somewhere stating that you have more right than I do as you use the streets for your morning chit-chat?  Is it really that hard to walk in single file?  And is it so difficult for you to wrap your minds around the fact that you are being idiots for walking in the middle of a street that gets a lot of the morning rush hour traffic with your babies ?!!?  This all tells me that you just don’t care.  Either that or, like I’ve said, you are IDIOTS. .. lucky idiots though, because you have not been run over by anyone given your carelessness and annoying arrogance as you strut as if you own the streets.

Yes I hate you (obviously)!  I hate that I have to swerve and step on my breaks just to avoid you as you block my way when I drive my son to school.  I hate that even though you see rushing cars around you, you behave as if you just don’t care and simply expect the world to accommodate you just because you have strollers.  Oftentimes I ask myself why I need to give you any special consideration when you obviously don’t give the rest of us, at the very least, common courtesy.  

I don’t wish you any harm for your children’s sake.  But for the love of God...move out of my way, B**ches!!   

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