If my voice mattered right now, I would make it known how much I feel your pain. No words need be spoken for each tear shed, each breath taken, echoes your unspeakable sense of loss. Yes I've gone through it too but I will never claim to know exactly what's in your heart. When hearts shatter, each shard is unique, every throbbing pain is personal and so is the way the shattered pieces are put back together and healed.
If my voice mattered right now, I will share share with you this piece of advice...
This is a process and though unique for every soul, there is a way to approach it and this is what I have learned....
Go right in. Dive into it with everything you have. It will leave you when you are ready although I personally do not think it ever completely leaves you. Have patience. The pain will be dulled by time, experiences and most importantly, the wisdom gained from the whole process. Grief changes you and it has the ability to let you see more of who you are if you let it. Get acquainted with your grief. Let the tears, the questions, the doubts, the anger, the sorrow all flow. But also know that wisdom, hope, forgiveness, and faith are waiting for you to welcome them in. You must welcome them in, in time, for your sake...for your life's blossoming and sustenance. Stay in darkness for a while if you need to, but keep your eyes on the beacon to lead you back to shore and keep you from drowning in stagnation and despair.
As you find yourself in grief's company, recognize the value of belonging to a 'community'. I wrote 'Employ Friends' as part of the approach because you need others in this journey. And I chose 'Friends', instead of the word 'Family' because friends are people YOU choose. You may choose some family members but what I am saying here is that family or blood relations don't automatically grant anyone access to your grief. It is up to you. Be clear that you have the power to choose who you want to share your sorrow with. Be equally clear that you cannot go through this by isolating yourself. Believe me when I say that there are a number of like-minded and loving individuals out there who have shared a similar experience and have gained valuable wisdom from their own journeys. Take what they have to offer. Hold your friends' hands. Warm yourself in the embrace of those who love you. Where there is love, there is acceptance, support, and a shared dream of your spirit's healing. That is really the only place you need to be in.
This is all I have to say....if my voice mattered right now.