I have way too many thoughts this Christmas season. Of course I’m the only one to blame for overthinking this holiday and needing to reflect on what Christmas means to me now that I’m 38.
I won’t deny that I’ve always
loved Christmas because of the idea of presents. The excitement and suspense surrounding
gift-giving is just irresistible and though it also creates much of the stress
surrounding this holiday, I just think Christmas won’t be the same without
it. I won’t be a hypocrite and say that
it doesn’t matter if I didn’t give or receive any gifts during Christmas
time. That would just be tragic. I love presents. It doesn’t matter how small or cheap it may
be. It could be something bought or
something personally created. Just wrap
it and give it to me and I shall be fine…even if it’s just a piece of paper
with beautiful words!
One fond Christmas memory I have
is when I used to fuss over the many presents sitting and waiting at the foot of our Christmas tree when my Mom was not yet retired and still working. You see, she used to be the HR manager at the
company she worked for her entire working life and every holiday season, she
would get numerous gifts from everyone…coworkers, clients, friends, etc. And she would indulge me by not only letting
me arrange them nicely under the tree, but most importantly by letting me open
them, one by one, even BEFORE Christmas day arrives! She would let me choose and of course I’d
start by choosing the more predictable looking ones or those in smaller boxes. I would normally save the fancier looking
packages for Christmas day and my Mom was completely fine with this, letting me
tear up all the wrappings and get all excited even though they were not mine. I just absolutely loved doing this!
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| http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/christmas-in-the-philippines |
Being Filipino, Christmas also naturally
means family gatherings and lots of special food. Typical members of the holiday spread would
be things like ham, spaghetti (Filipino style), pan de sal and queso de bola,
fruit salad (again Filipino style), embutido (which is like meatloaf but more
complex in flavor than the American one, in my opinion), chicken galantina
(stuffed chicken), macaroni salad, bibingka and puto bumbong, and of course, if
you have a lot of money to spend, there will be lechon. But even if we didn’t always have all these
things, what was most important to me was spending it with my immediate family
and my aunt’s family who resides just across the street. My siblings and I grew up with those cousins
and I consider them my sisters and spending Christmas with them as we
played games or exchanged gifts always made everything more memorable. It has been 13 years since I last had a
family Christmas where we were all present.
Since 1998, someone has always been abroad somewhere so I truly miss
having a complete family. I continue to
dream of being able to spend at least one more Christmas with everyone in my
family present to celebrate this occasion.
There have also been lots of
Christmases spent pining for a love life.
With the holiday season being so focused on love and feeling loved, I do
remember a number of years feeling utterly melancholic over the fact that I did
not have a boyfriend. In 2001, when I
first visited Chicago
Then I got married and had a
family of my own and Christmas became less about me and my needs. Focus went to my son, more than anything or
anyone else and I now want to create our own traditions. A recent one we’ve gotten into is to do a
Christmas movie night and for the past three years, it has been The Polar Express. All 3 of us LOVE this movie and Noah even
likes to watch this even when it’s not December. Two nights ago, we had our movie night in our
new home and it was a lovely family bonding time. Just sitting with my boys helped me put
things in perspective. It is true that ‘sometimes
the most real things in the world are things we can’t see’.
So you see, there are these
different elements that all make for a meaningful Christmas and it could get
confusing sometimes. A lot of times, my
brain wants things streamlined, simplified or summarized. Though I am undoubtedly a sucker for
complexities, I also desire clarity and want ideas that are easy to conjure and
can serve as a clear guideline for me. I
am happy to say that this year, at age 38, I have decided to summarize my
belief about the meaning of Christmas this way…
…That Christmas is about
following the star, just as the three wise men did.
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| http://christmas-backgrounds.blogspot.com/2011/12/star-of-bethlehem-backgrounds.html |
The star could be many different
things. The star being 'light' symbolizes wisdom, knowing
what do do, how to act. It stands for
hope, and ultimately love, as the birth of Jesus Christ meant the coming of salvation. Following the star also means following Christ, just as the wise men were lead to him. And to me, following the light, following Christ, means choosing the path towards your greatest self, journeying closer to the highest potential of your spirit, endeavoring to be as 'God-like' as you could be. In as much as the star helped the wise men navigate and find the manger, it also serves as our own inner compass today as it points us towards our north. If we all remember to follow the star, especially during (but certainly not limited to) this season, then it won't matter if we find ourselves enveloped by a sense of lack, surrounded by problems or disappointing and hurtful people or lack of material resources and other factors that create a less than ideal holiday scenario. We would just be reminded to follow the path of light, and act with compassion, trust, honesty, generosity, kindness, patience, gratitude and all else that aligns with light...love...Christ.
Have a Blessed and Bright Christmas, everyone! Let your light shine!
