Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Cursed Dress Is Saying 'OM'

One of our nieces is getting married this coming October and I can't help but think that my dress is somewhat cursed.  

I ordered said dress in mid-April and was told by the store that it will be arriving by the end of July.  I told the sales associate that I would need it as soon as possible since I'm moving out of state and they don't have a store here in TN.  She said it won't be a problem.

By the end of July, lo and behold, my sister-in-law (Mother of the Bride/M.O.B.) found out that the sales associate who was our contact and from whom we bought the dress has resigned and my dress has not arrived. Both of us made phone calls to follow up and after several attempts, we finally heard back from the store saying that it will be arriving by August 19.  That date came and still no dress.  I left IL on August 22 without my dress in my suitcase.

I resisted the temptation to sweat it at this point since I knew M.O.B. would come visit us at our new home by the beginning of September and she was kind enough to volunteer to pick up my dress for me once it arrives.  Finally, by September 3, the gorgeous-yet-previously-MIA dress finally made its way to my closet.

Now of course it was time to worry about alterations.  My gown needed to be shortened a bit and the straps also needed adjustment as they were falling off of my shoulders.  Nothing major, just a couple of inches here and there. I found a small local bridal store close to our home and brought it in.  I was pleasantly surprised when I was told that the alterations, plus a shawl I needed sewn (I provided the fabric), would only cost $36 total!  Score!!  I left and was told to come back a week after.


http://interwebcuppycake.blogspot.com/2010/09/jody-rivelli-elementary-school-girl-or.html
That was two Fridays ago and I still don't have my dress!!  I went there last Friday and they said the shawl was not done and they asked for one more day.  I came back Saturday and when I was given yet another excuse I got really pissed and headed home fuming mad, all ready to write an angry, awful online review of their business.  My husband just stopped me and reminded me not to do anything yet as they still have my dress hostage.  Wise man, isn't he?


Anyway, yesterday, I went there again hoping that indeed, third time's a charm.  I guess not.  I waited in the shop with my son for 40 minutes before my dress came out for fitting. Obviously, I was lied to the first 2 times because the seamstress was still working on my dress when she previously told me that my dress was all done and that it was just the shawl that was not finished yet.  And then after the long wait and I fitted my gown, I found that the straps were still loose.  I suspect she did not even alter them yet and forgot those too.


The seamstress was extremely apologetic, offered me explanations for all the inconvenience caused and their failures.  At that point, it became clear to me that I had a choice.  I could lash out at her, or at the very least, make it clear to her how utterly displeased I was with their unprofessionalism.  Or I could stay centered and take in her explanation, while still very calmly and pleasantly convey to her how much they have inconvenienced me, as well as explain where my sense of urgency was coming from.  I chose the latter.  I don't know what it was but I did not feel like getting angry.  Disappointed, yes, but not angry.  


By the time I reached home, it became clear to me that we always have a choice as to what to feel.  I think we sometimes let ourselves feel a certain way mainly because we know it is what is expected of us.  In this given situation, a lot of people would probably say I should've asserted myself more, made it clear that I am the customer and I deserve to be treated better.  My choice not to say more than I did may be labelled as 'doormat' behavior by other people or being 'too nice'.  But really, objectively, what good would it have done to raise my voice and play the 'angry role'?  My anger would still not produce my gown, and neither would it guarantee improved service from the shop.  Anger won't even make me feel better, so in the end, we'd only be left with two upset individuals (or worse, only one!).  It's so much easier to be angry than to try to detach from it and control rather than be controlled, overpowered.  But it is in the discipline of distancing from your raw emotions where true power can be found.  It's not about being in denial, but knowing when not to be overwhelmed or be overcome by your negativity.  


I may not have gotten what I came for when I drove to the dress shop yesterday.  But I sure left the situation feeling more empowered than ever.  To realize that I always have a choice as to what to feel, what thought or emotion I will allow to wash over me, is a valuable lesson.  I can no longer make excuses and say 'I can't control what I feel!'  I now know I am accountable and stronger than what I previously thought.  


Oh I will still write a review of that local bridal shop, an objective one.  But this time I won't type on my computer seething with anger and frustration, banging on the keyboard while cursing under each and every breath.  Not being controlled by anger doesn't mean being okay with everything and everyone around you all the time.


My dress may be cursed but it definitely paved the way for lasting blessings! (P.S. I got a call confirming that my gown is finally ready for pick up today...for real!!)
















15 comments:

  1. Oooooo.....will there be a picture of you in said dress on the horizon?

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  2. I hope that it will work this time. I try to distance myself from my raw emotions, as you say, but sometimes it doesn't work. I suppose we all have to let the steam off!

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  3. Good for you Joy!   Sometimes it's very hard to stop that anger from coming out, but I too have learned that (most of the time) screaming and yelling gets you nowhere.  

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  4. I'm so proud of you, Sis Cutie Sexy!  Way to go!  I am sure the dress will look absolutely gorgeous on you and hopefully, well worth the wait!

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  5. The way you handled the situation is an excellent example of being in control of the situation!  Thanks for your example...

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  6. I agree Joy. I find that blazing anger is counterproductive but a reasoned explanation of how you feel can be a lot more effective. And of course later you will vote with your feet.....and your review. Hope we get to see the dress

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  7. Is that blue number the dress in question??

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  8. Well, my dress will actually be in eggplant color, but yes, it's the same style.

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  9. hahaha, perhaps though not as dramatic, lol!  ;-))

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  10. There are certain things we can control...and certain things we can't! Good on you for rising above the situation and keeping your cool. I didn't think doormat at all. I though empowered and capable enough to realise that a review would be more appropriate than bringing yourself to their level and shouting at them would ever be!

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  11. Great lesson - even though very frustrating to learn. I'm glas the dress is finally ready - that's quite an ordeal.

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  12. Bravo!  I think it's much much easier to fly off the handle when these things happen to us but as you said its incredibly important to realize it gets you no where.  Actually where behavior like that gets us is an incredibly angry nation....

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  13. Great post. I completely agree...sometimes my tendency not to scream and shout or raise my voice is often misinterpreted for being too nice or like you said doormat. But it's just that, I dont let people or circumstances control my emotions...plus after watching Jerry Springer with my Lola when I was a kid, the angry shouting loud ones always looked the stupidest =)

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  14. Good point (and reminder) about looking stupid.  Thanks for that Rachel!  

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  15. Makes you wonder where all the anger and frustration are coming from in the world...I guess we're not 'happy' enough :-(

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Let me know your thoughts!