Sing and rejoice! Fortune is smiling on you.
Yes, yes, it's been a while since I did Fortune Friday. But after Soccer Mom 4.0 'advertised' on her blog that I do this theme on Fridays, I felt it's only fair that I go back to the routine.
Well, to be honest, it's quite difficult for me to believe this fortune right now. Among many other things, my Mom is once again leaving me. Her five month stay here is ending and she's flying back to Manila tomorrow, Saturday. To my regular and faithful readers, you will recall that last year I wrote how devastating it all feels each time this happens ("Alone Again Naturally"). All I can say is that the difficulty remains and it doesn't really get any easier. I know I'll cope and survive but parting is just that...painful each and every time, no matter what. To make matters worse, I recently learned that it's highly probable that I would have to move soon. I can't expound much on this yet, but in time, I promise I'll explain more...
Human beings have certainly found a way to sugar-coat the pains of goodbyes by pronouncing that 'it's never the end', 'endings are beginnings', 'farewells are necessary for hello's to happen', and that 'your loved one never really leaves you because they stay in your heart and memories will always linger'. Sure, sure. I've heard all that before and though they make sense (somehow), I'm pretty sure these sayings were created to help one deflect the daggers brought on by the reality of being left and missing someone very important to you. Aside from the fact that goodbyes, for the most part, hurt, in certain instances they also spell out significant changes. And this is why I believe there should be an age limit or a cap on the amount of life-altering goodbyes each person should experience.
I feel that I'm getting too old for such things and it's become too taxing for me. To say farewell is to let go. I have a problem with letting go. I have a problem with change. I thrive in order, familiarity, constance, predictability. To mess up my world and challenge the predictability I enclose myself in is to injure my sanity in a serious way. Honestly, right now I already feel like I'm losing my mind and that the world around me is moving too fast that I find it difficult, if not impossible, to catch up. I feel like I'm trying to step on the brakes and they're not working. I feel out of control.
And in a sense I am. I do not have control over these changes occurring around me. I cannot stop my mother from flying back home. I cannot keep her here. I cannot really stop our move from happening once it does happen. I cannot stop anyone from leaving me if they needed or wanted to. I cannot stop anyone from dying even if I begged the Universe with all my might.
I cannot stop change.
There was a time in my life when I welcomed change and even felt excited about it. I wish I can still say the same instead of feeling anxiety, panic and sometimes even a sense of terror. At this point, since I know I can neither stop change from occurring, nor can I resist it, I understand that the logical choice is to go with it. They say go with the flow. Release all expectations, let go of the reins and see where life takes you. Most of all, I think the crucial element is your decision as to whether you'll be an optimist or a pessimist as you let go of the reins and look forward to change. You need to decide where to focus your energies and how to define your future reality....whether it's going to be 'exciting' and 'novel', or 'a pain in the ass adjustment' and 'heartbreaking'. As 'Old Friend' said a while ago, "company is not important, only the mind" (Translate: the external world does not matter as much as the internal world or how you think and perceive things)...yes Old Friend tends to be cryptic and translations are most often necessary .
He cannot be more spot on though. The old adage is true and it's my only lifeline at this time...You may not be able to change the world, but you can certainly change the way you perceive it and deal with it. If perception is key, then this means I can certainly CHOOSE to believe in today's fortune and channel my energy towards what can potentially bring me excitement and even just a realistic amount of joy, despite the changes coming my way. Wish me luck! And if it's not asking for too much, maybe you can channel some of your 'Force' towards this might-soon-to-be ex-Midwesterner.