Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Fortune Tuesday 8.10.10: It's All in the Choice

*I was out of town again for the weekend, hence the delayed Fortune Friday entry....sorry.*

“You have inexhaustible wisdom and power.”



...and it's important to know how best to use them.

Last week, I had the time of my life hanging out with an old friend of mine, one of my closest, dearest friends who now lives in Canada.  She and her husband visited Chicago for a week and though we had very limited time, (considering it's been 10years since we last saw each other), we did make sure that it was time WELL spent.

After our eight-hour bonding time during our last day together, we made a pact to make more effort to really keep in touch. So while standing beside my car, saying our goodbyes and all, we both wondered why we haven't been calling each other more regularly these past years despite the fact that we now both reside in the Northern hemisphere.  I really had no clue until she reminded me that for a time she felt there was an awkwardness between us since she did not approve of a certain 'friendship' I had before with someone I hardly knew.  (Just to clarify to those 'in the know', she was not referring to my ex.)  

I sincerely forgot about that and as she was reminding me of what happened, it really felt like it happened a lifetime ago.  I thought it was funny and utterly silly so we ended up just laughing about the whole thing.  I'm sure at the time it happened, it dented me.  I'm sure her disapproval offended me somehow and made me all the more defensive.  But now, nothing.  Now, years later and wiser, I know that in the grand scheme of things, that past event does not really matter.  It was all inconsequential to our friendship.    

As another good friend once told me, in relationships, most times we don't realize how much power we have over each other and all we have to do is wield it.  The important question is, how will you choose to wield that power?  Answering that question is always important because if you think about it, we really only have true power over those we love, over those who truly matter to us.  And those are the same ones that have power over us.  You only REALLY get hurt by those who truly matter to you, right?  

And that's one beauty of real friendships and love in general.  You can get hurt many times but you learn to forgive and even forget sometimes.  And those times when you don't fully forget, you are still able to choose to move on, and you continue moving forward with even greater wisdom.

I'm certain I've hurt my friends and I know at certain points in my life I've gotten hurt by them too.  But we're still great friends and intend to stay friends forever. We know what's important and we do our best not to lose sight of that.  We have power over each other...the power to hurt, as well as to heal; the power to hold grudges, as well as to forgive; the power to destroy each other, as well as to respect and love.  The way you choose will show your WISDOM.

5 comments:

  1. 9pm 8.10.10 via FB

    reading a book right now called "The Art of Choosing" and it highlights how our choices, mundane or momentous, shape our lives. choices in friendship most especially. thanks joy!

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  2. 10pm 8.10.10 via FB

    ‎"The power to hurt, as well as to heal; the power to hold grudges, as well as to forgive; the power to destroy each other, as well as to respect and love. The way you choose will show your WISDOM."

    Such a beautiful entry, Joy. This and the previous one. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. Wonderful post. Each one of us has the ability to react in the way we want to how others treat us, talk about us, speak to us, etc. But sometimes it is difficult to not be hurt if someone we love speaks to us or treats us unlovingly. So, I agree: those we love do indeed have power over us. And vice versa. We must think before we speak and choose our words carefully. And we must strive to treat one another with respect and understanding.

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  4. Well said, Mike B. Thinking before acting or speaking can sometimes be a challenge so that time spent to pause and mull things over is time well-spent if it will reflect a wiser and more compassionate version of ourselves :-) Thanks again for reading and commenting!

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  5. 10pm 8.10.10 via FB

    ‎"The power to hurt, as well as to heal; the power to hold grudges, as well as to forgive; the power to destroy each other, as well as to respect and love. The way you choose will show your WISDOM."

    Such a beautiful entry, Joy. This and the previous one. Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete

Let me know your thoughts!