Wednesday, April 28, 2010

My Aching Heart


I look out the window and see the bright, full moon against the pitch-black sky.  Everything is still and silent, except for the faint lunar song I hear lulling me to calmness and seducing me to the depths of my imagination.

And then, I hear Noah's coughing which then catapults me back to reality. It's 3am-ish and I'm awake, partially in a zombie-like state.

My baby is (yet again) suffering from the usual cold-cough combination and that spells out a lot of sleep deprivation for me...as if I'm not already sleep deprived for, possibly, 3 years now.  Whenever he catches a cold, night time congestion is to be expected and it sure annoys him to death to be interrupted in his sleep by stuffy nose or possibly almost complete inability to breathe.  Well, who wouldn't be annoyed to death, right?  

I feel so sorry for him and during these times, when not only does he go through much difficulty sleeping and breathing, I couldn't help but wish there was some super medication I can administer to make everything go away.  I understand the American Academy of Pediatrics' rationale for recommending that young children not be given any cold and cough medication.  However, during these trying times (and that's me trying to phrase it lightly), I just can't help but wish that there was a magic drug. Either that, or that we all magically develop immunity to the cold virus and all its strains, present and future ones included!  Take that!

I understand that it all sounds very naive right now and that I know somewhere, somehow, there will be at least one person who will take that too seriously and point out that my wish could have devastating effects on biodiversity or the balance of nature or whatever.  But this is me being a sleep deprived parent whose heart breaks every single time her child cries out from discomfort and coughs so hard that he no longer sounds like a three-year old human being.  This is a parent who wishes it were possible for her to suck out all the sickness from her child and just bear it all herself.  This is me, who, like probably any parent out there, wishes she had the ability to shield her child from every hurt, injury and pain, physical and otherwise, and would rather take all the burden herself which would still be more bearable than watching her own child suffer.

Again, I understand that nature (and God) have their reasons for letting these things happen.  I understand that there needs to be balance in everything.  I understand that lessons are learnt from hardships and challenges.  I understand that gold needs to be subjected to fire in order to be purified.  I know. 

My mind knows.

It is this parent's aching heart (coupled with a tired and sleepy body) that refuses to understand and I know that I need to stare more at the moon tonight (or shall I say, this early morning) to listen to God's comforting wisdom and hopefully be brought to serenity and strength.


Oh, how I miss my bed..... *sigh*




    

1 comment:

  1. I feel for you Joy. I hope Noah gets better soon. Have you tried putting lots of Vicks vaporub and socks on his feet? It seems to work when my DD has a cough. Take care of yourself too.

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