"You are the guiding star of his existence."
This is one post I wished I never ever had to write. They say some bloggers blog so that their children can read about their mother's thoughts and feelings once they're old enough to understand, but this is one post I truly wish and pray would be irrelevant in the future. Is that too naive of me to hope for, in the same way that I once thought 'this' was no longer an issue in this day and age???
Race. Some of us deny its significance. A lot of us would rather believe that it has no power over us. Too many of us would rather not talk about it. Yesterday though, what was previously in the back burners of my mind suddenly and unfortunately, came to the fore of my consciousness. Yesterday was my baby's first day of preschool. As he expands his world and enters another institution that he will be a part of for much of his lifetime (I hope!), it dawned on me that race relations will now be a reality that my own son will be exposed to.
Growing up, this was never important to me. I belonged to a society that was not extremely racially diverse and of course, being part of the dominant race, everything was easy. I never stood out and color never mattered. I was in MY territory.
Now that I am in the United States, I am part of the minority, I stand out and I know now beyond a doubt that color DOES matter. I feel it, more than I would prefer. I try to give others the benefit of the doubt sometimes and chalk it up to my own paranoia and over-defensiveness, but sadly, it's not always unfounded.
Like I said above, a lot of people are in denial when it comes to this and I guarantee you, from experience, that people are more conservative and narrow-minded than they would like to admit. Closet-conservatives, as I would call them. Some are even closet-racists. And mind you, Filipinos are not exempt from that observation. For instance, I know of a few Filipinos (and of course Americans too) who still don't like Pres. Obama
just because of his color (although of course they will deny this and say it's his policies, which they can never and will never discuss with you intelligently). And I know too that we have a lot of insensitive and ignorant generalizations expressed half-jokingly in reference to other races such as the Latinos, African-Americans, Indians/South Asians and Arabs. So let's disabuse ourselves of the belief that as Asians, as Filipinos, we are always the victims. We are all as guilty as any person out there who believes that they are superior in some way or another.
just because of his color (although of course they will deny this and say it's his policies, which they can never and will never discuss with you intelligently). And I know too that we have a lot of insensitive and ignorant generalizations expressed half-jokingly in reference to other races such as the Latinos, African-Americans, Indians/South Asians and Arabs. So let's disabuse ourselves of the belief that as Asians, as Filipinos, we are always the victims. We are all as guilty as any person out there who believes that they are superior in some way or another. Anyway, yesterday, as Noah experienced his first day in preschool, I immediately noticed how everybody in his class room, except him, was white. I am hoping this will never be an issue for him because the likelihood of this happening to him over and over is pretty darn high.
I am hoping that his teachers and classmates will not have prejudices
because of his ethnicity. I am hoping everyone around him is 'color-blind'. I am hoping no one around him will have negative assumptions about his skills and capabilities just because he's not of American descent. I am hoping he will not be bullied because he has dark colored hair and looks different from the rest of the group. I am hoping that though he's of a different race, he will be given as much chance as everybody else to develop friendships easily with everyone and anyone, regardless of their ethnic backgrounds...unlike his mother who has had experience being singled out and dismissed because she was different. I am hoping that the world will see what an intelligent, funny, curious, kind and affectionate boy he is instead of readily assuming that his shyness and introverted tendencies are because of his being a minority, a 'non-American'.
This fortune could not have come at a better time. I am the guiding star of my son's existence. Not only does he look up to me as a role model, he also relies on me to protect him from harm, as well as to prepare him for future challenges. You have no idea how terrified I am right now of the possibility of Noah being made to feel less because of his race. I am terrified of him being deprived of opportunities that would otherwise be open had he not been born with colored skin. It makes me angry to even imagine the possibility of him experiencing the slightest discrimination being part of the minority. Like any parent, I pray that I can shield him from all these things. In reality though, the only way I can really accomplish that is to give him the awareness that he needs, as well as the open-mindedness needed to slowly change the future.
When my child is old enough to understand, I will share with him my dream of a world where everyone is treated the same; where each person sees and respects the fragility of life and therefore becomes capable of receiving the other as a soul instead of merely a physical being. But as long as that utopic world remains in the realm of the ideal and imaginary, it would benefit my child to remember this piece of advice from his mother:
I am hoping that his teachers and classmates will not have prejudices
because of his ethnicity. I am hoping everyone around him is 'color-blind'. I am hoping no one around him will have negative assumptions about his skills and capabilities just because he's not of American descent. I am hoping he will not be bullied because he has dark colored hair and looks different from the rest of the group. I am hoping that though he's of a different race, he will be given as much chance as everybody else to develop friendships easily with everyone and anyone, regardless of their ethnic backgrounds...unlike his mother who has had experience being singled out and dismissed because she was different. I am hoping that the world will see what an intelligent, funny, curious, kind and affectionate boy he is instead of readily assuming that his shyness and introverted tendencies are because of his being a minority, a 'non-American'. This fortune could not have come at a better time. I am the guiding star of my son's existence. Not only does he look up to me as a role model, he also relies on me to protect him from harm, as well as to prepare him for future challenges. You have no idea how terrified I am right now of the possibility of Noah being made to feel less because of his race. I am terrified of him being deprived of opportunities that would otherwise be open had he not been born with colored skin. It makes me angry to even imagine the possibility of him experiencing the slightest discrimination being part of the minority. Like any parent, I pray that I can shield him from all these things. In reality though, the only way I can really accomplish that is to give him the awareness that he needs, as well as the open-mindedness needed to slowly change the future.
When my child is old enough to understand, I will share with him my dream of a world where everyone is treated the same; where each person sees and respects the fragility of life and therefore becomes capable of receiving the other as a soul instead of merely a physical being. But as long as that utopic world remains in the realm of the ideal and imaginary, it would benefit my child to remember this piece of advice from his mother:
"Navigate the world knowing that race does matter, but behave like it does not."
